Sandwiches
by LiteralBlue
Summary: Also known as 101 ways to get rid of a seagull. A few past secrets are revealed as the SHM eat sandwiches, and are chased by a bird! Pure randomness. CHAPTER SIX UP AT LAST!
1. 1 to 5

A/N Okay, this is just something random. Even the silver-haired men aren't immune to the evilness that is the park-dwelling seagull.

* * *

Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo sank down onto a park bench, plastic bags in hand. Each bag contained a small amount of decent junky food, and a few small (they shuddered at the thought) _healthy_ items. The boys each pulled out a sandwich, the cheap, ready-made kind. Chocolate spread for Kadaj, peanut butter for Loz and chicken salad for Yazoo.

High overhead, the grey-wingéd bird of death, aka the seagull, observed the silver-haired men with one beady eye. The other was facing the wrong way. It watched them unwrap their…_bread. Bread. Bread._ The bird's brain went into autopilot. It swooped down on them.

A large seagull landed on the grass in front of the brothers and made a strange noise in the back of its throat. "Go away, birdie." Said Loz, hoping that birdie would not incur the wrath of Loz's brothers.

#1, ask nicely

* * *

The seagull ignored him, and hopped towards Kadaj, who ignored it. It took a peck at a lump of gum stuck to his shoe. Kadaj kicked it irritably. 

#2, kick

* * *

The bird hopped forwards again, angry with this human…ish thing. It was keeping him from its bread _and_ a lovely bit of gum. "Remind me again why I let you drag me along?" Kadaj said to Loz. He smirked and lowered his voice. 

"'Cos if you didn't I would have told Yazoo about the pink underwear incident." Kadaj flinched, but Yazoo seemed intent on his sandwich. He was paying no attention. The seagull got too close again. "Fuck off, you little rat." Kadaj growled.

#3, ask not-so-nicely

* * *

"Mind your language, _little_ brother." Loz chided him. "It's only hungry. Be nice and understanding to the little birdie. Give it some bread." Yes, thought the seagull, listen to the nice gay man and give me some bread! 

"Loz, it's a fucking _bird!_ And I'm hungry too." He noticed the black beady eyes watching him intently. "Go over there and eat that kid's food. He's got more than me." The bird looked at Kadaj sceptically. No, little human-ish thing. This is _personal!_

#4, offer an alternative food source

* * *

"Kadaj, that was mean. I mean, _really mean._ That kid's little, he…she…it needs more food than you do. Remember when you were little and the big kids used to steal your lunch? It's not fair, Kadaj." 

"Loz, shut up!" Kadaj hissed. Yazoo seemed not to have heard that, either. Thank god. If he heard that his leader used to get his lunch stolen…

The bird was persistent. It edged nearer and nearer, watching him closely. "Umm…" The black, unblinking gaze was beginning to creep him out a little. "Look! A distraction!" he said loudly, pointing behind the seagull. It turned, then looked slowly back at him. Do you really think I'm as stupid as you, kid? It thought.

#5, offer a distraction

As if to prove a point, it twisted its head a little, to look behind Kadaj. The boy turned to look behind him, then glared at the seagull. 


	2. 6 to 10

A/N wow I had chapter 1 up about 30 minutes and already got plenty of reviews! A big thank you to you guys! What kind of sandwich do you guys think Sephiroth, Vincent, Rufus and the Turks would eat? The most original ideas will be featured in later episodes.

* * *

Yazoo kept munching on his own sandwich whilst Loz watched Kadaj attempt to outstare the seagull that hounded them. The bird, unblinking black eye (just the one) fixed on the glowing aqua orbs of the human-ish thing, thought: do not try to outstare me, human. You will not succeed.

Loz saw Kadaj's eyes become dryer and dryer, and decided to have a little fun. Staring contests were no stranger to the two of them, and Kadaj always cheated when he out-stared Loz. Yazoo had often walked into a room to find his brothers looking deeply into each other's eyes, and had long ago decided to simply not ask.

"Mophead." Loz taunted softly. That one was old. Kadaj did not move; Loz tried again. "Shorty." No reaction. "Mama's boy." A very slight movement, but not much, was visible beneath Kadaj's eye. "Why you carry that sword, Kadaj? Got something to prove?" another slight flash of annoyance crossed his face, but was gone within an instant. Neither bird nor boy broke eye contact, and Kadaj wore the perfect poker face. Loz lowered his voice so Yazoo could not hear. "Oprah Winfrey fan." This time, there was a more pronounced twitch. Loz continued quietly: "I know you like to sit and watch chat shows and eat ice cream when you're alone in the house." Kadaj was becoming visibly tense. "Mmm…it's nice to be able to blink. Such a shame you can't." A muscle twitched beneath Kadaj's eye. "Cuddler of fluffy pink teddy-bears!" Loz said in a stage whisper. Kadaj's eyes snapped to Yazoo, who was cleaning out his ear. He showed no signs of having heard. Kadaj breathed a sigh of relief, and kicked Loz.

The seagull allowed itself a quiet moment of victory, and wondered what a teddy bear was.

#6, Attempt to out-stare

* * *

Another seagull padded nearby, and the fist charged at it, wings wide. The second bird, stunned, flew away. Do not invade upon my private conflict, inferior pea-brained thing, it thought, and padded back to Kadaj's feet.

"Look, just go away, okay? I mean it." Kadaj groaned. Yazoo was almost finished with half of his sandwich, and Kadaj had not yet started his. That warm chocolate spread… "Please, leave me alone. I'm hungry. Please? Pretty please?" The seagull put its head on one side. You wish, kid. I'm a seagull. I have pride, you know.

#7, Beg

* * *

"Just ignore him, Kadaj. He'll go away." Said Loz. Kadaj nodded and leaned back to start his sandwich. Oh, no you don't! Thought the seagull as it threw its head back and squawked, a horrible, rusty sound. Kadaj flinched. The bread had not yet reached his mouth. Was he really going to loose his lunch to a _bird?_ So much for that plan.#8, Ignore

* * *

Kadaj lost his temper and kicked out again. The bird staggered back, but did not stop its squawking. Kadaj growled. "Screw this, I'm not missing my lunch 'cos of a fucking seagull!' He murmured, then shouted at it: "Piss off, birdie!" Loz looked shocked.

"Little brother, will you mind your language!" He hissed.

"Sorry, _mom!_" snapped Kadaj. A tear sprang to Loz's eye.

"Don't cry, Loz." Said Yazoo, regarding a staring mother coolly, with a look that said clearly: "I don't know these people." The bird looked on in amusement.

#9, Shout

* * *

Loz and Kadaj both sweat-dropped. "Look! A lady seagull!" Said Kadaj, pointing. The bird looked around slowly, spotted the mentioned bird and made a mental note to look her up later. For now, though, my little human-is thing, I shall live in utmost discipline until I have acquired the flour, yeast and water that is _bread_.

#10, Attempt to rearrange victim's priorities

* * *

A/N By the way, any ideas are welcome…this is harder than I thought it would be. Still, Lilliana will strive to update as regularly as is humanly possible! And give reviewers cookies! 


	3. 11 to 15

A thought sprung to Kadaj's mind. It was not often that this happened, so he got a headache. He sniffed the sandwich and pulled a face, ignoring the evil look the seagull gave him. Then, _very_ quickly, he managed a tiny, tiny nibble. The bird charged at him, wings flapping. Kadaj yelped, bringing his arms up to shield his face. When the bird pecked his foot, he kicked out.

"This sandwich tastes terrible." He said in a voice of mock disgust. "Ugh, disgusting. Terrible. You wouldn't want it. I guess I'll have to eat it all to save you the trouble…" The bird put its head on one side and regarded his mortal rival with a cold, unconvinced look. Not on your life, human-ish thing!

#11, pretend sandwich does not taste nice

* * *

Kadaj, deciding to take another stab at it, in the way any self-respecting little brat can do, rolled his eyes, forced a little drool from the corner of his mouth and fell sideways onto Loz, who blushed. Kadaj moaned. "Poison…" he managed to say quietly. "I am felled! Here, at my last hours…" Loz pushed him sideways, and he fell from the bench. The bird was on him in an instant, pecking at Kadaj's leather-clad hands. At this point, Kadaj screamed like a girl and scrambled back up onto the bench, clutching onto Loz and half-sobbing. Yazoo was looking the other way, humming Bohemian Rhapsody.

#12, pretend sandwich is poisoned

* * *

Five minutes later, after the subtle and clumsy comforting of Loz, Kadaj was back upright and normal-faced. He sighed and readied himself for the necessity of measures of desperation. Closing his long-lashed eyes, he spat on his precious sandwich. The seagull just looked at him. Kadaj groaned.

#13, spit on sandwich

* * *

Kadaj grumbled to himself as he placed his hand on Souba. Drawing his precious sword on a seagull… what would Mother say? Still, desperate times call for desperate measures. And these _were_ desperate times. Kadaj had a reputation to protect… well, a reputation as a bi-polar, sadistic psycho-bitch with a mama complex, but it was still a reputation that deserved better that to loose a sandwich to a seagull.

A few very confusing seconds later, Kadaj was face-down in the mud with the weight of a seagull on his back, not quite sure how he got there.

And half his sandwich was also in the mud. He groaned and tried not to cry, focussing instead on trying to figure out which limbs were which, muttering a few choice phrases about medieval instruments of torture as he untangled himself from the rest of himself.

#14, attempt to kill bird

* * *

Kadaj did his best to ignore the stares as he pulled himself up, until a shiny, shiny black boot came into view. Kadaj followed the black suit up to a smirking face surrounded by flaming red hair. Reno simply blinked for almost a minute before bursting into hysterical laughter, tears streaming down his face. Loz was staring, and Yazoo, the lucky bastard, was eating. Kadaj groaned and tried to impale himself on Souba. However, a certain bird collided with the sword, causing our poor silver-haired victim to fall back down into the mud.

#15, attempt to kill self

* * *

A/N I haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that. The Seagull is hereafter called Bob. Thanks to SapphireXSerpent for some great ideas, and to the reviewers who tweaked my little heart with your laughter (or something like that). Love you all! ahem next chapter enter the Turks! 


	4. 16 to 20

Reno finally managed to start breathing again following his recent laughing-induced fit and the resulting teenage wrath of Kadaj, during which time Yazoo had worked his way into the second half of his sandwich, Loz had started and stopped crying, several people had stopped to stare then lost interest, and a small fly called Martin who was stupid enough to crash straight into a cobweb got what was coming to him.

"What exactly were you doing?" asked Rude whilst Reno took deep breaths.

"This bastard bird wants my lunch, and it won't go away!" snapped Kadaj.

"WOW!" Reno cried, "What a tale! Why, that was a story of passion, betrayal, mystery, courage and adventure, brimming with darkness and beautifully tragic romance!"

Rude sighed. "Reno, this is _not_ the Fimbles." He said very slowly. "So why don't you just go someplace else?" He asked the silver-haired trio. Realisation dawned on the soft, reasonable good-looking (kind of) features of Kadaj; he grabbed his bag, snatching it away from Bob, then turned to Loz and Yazoo.

"Get your coat, dearie, we're leaving." He said with a Scottish accent. Loz blinked, then pulled himself up with his own bag. Yazoo slipped the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and stood up, tall and elegant, with the air of someone who has just finished his sandwich and is about to go relocate so his brothers could eat theirs.

When several James Bond-style evasive actions got them to another bench at the other side of the park, they were approached once more by the wingéd Creature of Doom ™, Bob.

* * *

#16 relocate

"Dammit, the bastard never quits!" Shouted Kadaj loudly as Bob took up post at the silver-haired victim's feet. How dare this little _human_ keep him away from his lunch? How dared he! Bob made a mental note to locate and poop on the teenager's vehicle.

"I swear, if this carries on, I'll-"

"You'll what?" asked Rude, smirking.

"I-I'll write to the council to complain!" shouted the boy, a look of madness in his eyes. The seagull gave what sounded suspiciously like a snigger. You shall not succeed, human-ish thing, it thought smugly, you shall fail! The city council has tried too often to rid the world of my kind, and we always succeed! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

#17, threaten to write to city council

* * *

"So, why are you guys here?" Loz asked the Turks. Reno shrugged.

"We were just here to get Rufus a cheese and pickles sandwich." Said Reno, "But then we discovered your holy plight to eat yon sandwich, and verily do I speak when I say I would follow you deep into the bowels of Mordor…" Reno keeled over.

"What on_ Earth _is he on?" asked Loz, stunned.

"At the moment? Sherbert, I think." Said Rude, letting his partner fall to the ground.

Another stroke of genius somehow crash-landed on Kadaj's mind. "Why don't you go get Rufus's sandwich then come back here for Reno? He asked with wide-eyed innocence. Rude's eyebrow shot into his metaphorical hair.

"Umm… alright." He said slowly. He left Kadaj having another glaring contest with Bob. In time, he returned, looking a little stunned. Reno, still out cold, was drooling and muttering the Pokémon song under his breath.

Kadaj and Loz exchanged glances, then both leapt, seizing Rufus's sandwich. Whilst Loz grappled with the struggling Rude, Kadaj tossed the sandwich to the Seagull. It landed at the bird's feet like some tribal offering.

Bob just looked at him. _Pickle?_ He thought angrily, I _hate _pickle! Rude pushed a sobbing Loz aside, and snapped to Kadaj, "You're paying for that, you know!"

Kadaj groaned.

#18, give seagull someone else's sandwich

* * *

After Kadaj forked out the Gil for the sandwich, Rude swung Reno over his shoulder and went back to the shops. Yazoo pulled an apple from his bag and took a large bite, to the envy of Kadaj. Loz himself had just finished the first half of his sandwich.

Hay fever suddenly took hold, and Kadaj sneezed. On his sandwich. Yes, the great silver-haired warrior of DOOM has allergies. Bad time of year for it. And _STILL _Bob was not deterred. Even LOZ had managed to eat _something!_

#19, sneeze on sandwich

* * *

Kadaj lost it, _yet again._ He pulled a shining green orb from… somewhere… and proceeded to blast the seagull with Fire3. "BARBACUE BIRDIE!" he screamed. Loz and Yazoo exchanged glances.

"He's lost it." Muttered Yazoo. Loz sweat-dropped, anime-style. The smoke cleared away, and Kadaj saw nothing but scorched ground. And the seagull, flapping several feet above the reach of the spell. He screamed.

#20, attempt to barbeque seagull note for future: birdie has wings

* * *

A/N okay, here we go again! Umm, Reno's behaviour… he was probably drunk. HEY, why are the Turks helping the SHM? Thanks to KuroNekoNya for help with the ideas, and I'll try to update again soon. But if I don't, I'll be sure to feel guilty. If I have time. By the way, I'd love to see any fanart people have done for this fic! (I tried, I absolutely can't draw). Next up, Bob's evil twin Rob! Who will he choose for his victim? Tune in on the next episode to find out! 


	5. 21 to 25

A/N SORRY! Sorry I haven't updated in so long and, as promised, I feel very guilty. And now, without further delay, Sandwiches 21-25! Have fun! Oh, and I really do need help with those ideas. They've been a great help so far. Keep 'em coming, people!

* * *

Kadaj had yet another brilliant idea, which made a grand total of about thee in one hour, more than he'd had in the last month (he had several Evil Schemes a day, but they didn't really count as most of them eventually involved a knighted gopher riding into battle on a worm with plumes on, defeating chicken-butt-head older brother and eating a walnut). 

He took a deep breath, worked up the courage and … gave his sandwich to Loz! Dun-dun-dun! Loz looked confused for a second, then leapt up with a shriek and ended up stood on the park bench with a frothing-at the mouth seagull flapping up and trying to peck his boots. He squealed like a girl and clung to Yazoo, who was doing his best I-don't-know-you face.

Kadaj had a sandwich thrust back at his face, leaving a chocolate-spread smudge on his face. He imagined the seagull trying to peck off his nose. The seagull's attention turned back to him, and Loz fell off the bench.

#21, give sandwich to someone else

* * *

"If this goes on any longer," growled Kadaj, "I might be forced to do _it_!" Loz's eyes widened and even Yazoo's head whipped around. 

"Kadaj…" whispered Loz, "don't you think that's a little e_xtreme_?" Yazoo nodded.

"Desperate times, Loz! Desperate times!" Kadaj was wearing a maniac grin. Seagull wondered what exactly was going on. Perhaps it might actually pose a threat. Probably not, though.

"I'll do it! I will, really!" He was beginning to sound like he used to when he was threatening to destroy some piece of china if he didn't get the last piece of cake.

"Kadaj, please be rational. There are children present." Yazoo looked faintly worried as he opened his packet of raisins, but Kadaj was bordering on slightly more insane than usual.

"I'm going to do it! I'm going to … _sing_!" Loz raised his arms to the sky as if praying to some god to save the kiddies (and himself, but he liked to think he cared more about the kiddies). Yazoo flinched.

Loz grabbed Kadaj firmly by the shoulders and shook him. "The_ **children**, _brother, think of the children! How can you use them to take over the world if their innocent spirits have been marred? PLEASE, if not for them then I shall pay you!"

Kadaj froze. "How much?"

"A _lot_!" Loz promised desperately. Kadaj relaxed a little. Seagull was left feeling as though he had just escaped a traumatic experience.

#22, Threaten to sing out of tune

* * *

Satisfied that the danger had passed, Seagull hopped around Kadaj's feet, skillfully dodging the random kicks. Loz actually managed to take a bite out of his sandwich before Seagull gave a loud warning _wark_. Kadaj very carefully pulled a tiny little bit from his sandwich, and threw it away. As the seagull pounced, Kadaj hastily shoved a hand in his bag and pulled out the first thing his fingers closed around; as Seagull charged back at him, he pulled away and looked at the object in his hands; he had gotten lucky. It was an apple. He hated the damned things, but he didn't intend to eat it. 

He threw it at Seagull with the force that could smash a rock.

He missed.

He was sure that the damned bird was smirking at him.

#23, pelt seagull with reasonably hard projectiles

* * *

It was then that Kadaj drew an ultimate weapon. Then he tossed the rough sketch away and decided to use a real one instead. He screwed his face up and let his lower lip wobble; he knew how cute he looked when he cried, having used that face to gain several extra cookies as a child. He looked as heartbroken and downcast as he could possibly be, and watched the seagull through the corner of his cutely damp eyes. Loz felt his heart melt a little. 

The seagull waited for something to happen. It didn't.

The larger of the three brothers wondered how even a bird could ignore the positively adorable look that managed to get the shorter of the three brothers out of any kind of trouble whatsoever.

#24, pretend to cry

* * *

Loz's thoughts were abruptly cut off by a ruckus in the far end of the park. A man was sprinting towards them, followed by an airborne grey-and-white blur. He skidded over a muddy puddle and fell before the trio, scrambling to his feet and spinning around to face his adversary. The blur grew closer and closer, until- a slightly darker seagull land before the terrified man, who tossed his crisps to the ground and ran. 

The dark grey bird met the light grey bird's beady eyes. _Rob,_ Kadaj's tormentor acknowledged the new bird. _Bob._ The new bird nodded. Both turned to Kadaj with knowing looks. Kadaj lost his composure completely and actually burst into tears.

#25, actually cry

* * *

A/N oh yeah, and thanks to Indigo Angel for the idea with Rob's entrance! My wonderful reviewers, I love you! Thanks muchly. 


	6. 26 to 30

A/N Sorry it's been so long, I've had MAJOR writer's block. This one has more Yazoo in it!

* * *

It took Loz ten full minutes to comfort Kadaj, whilst Bob and Rob looked on, waiting patiently. After Kadaj was finally under control, he bent in to a whispering conference with Loz. "What should we do?" He asked, throat a little dry from the crying. 

"I don't know…" said Loz.

"This can't go on." Whimpered Kadaj, "_I _can't go on." The two brothers cast their eyes around the park for ideas, then Kadaj saw a four-year-old doing something that gave him a brilliant idea. Then he decided that paddling in the pond in his underwear was a task best left for later, and saw another one doing something that gave him a _relevant_ idea. "Loz…" he said quietly, "I'm going in." He put on an army-helmet and sheathed his sword.

Then he ran straight at the seagulls. They flapped out of his way with a practiced ease, and again when he came back at them. Then he slipped and fell. Then he gave up and sat back down.

#26, attempt to chase seagull away

* * *

Kadaj suddenly made a flying leap for his bag, where his remaining sandwich was kept. He reached it, rolled back to the bench in a move remarkably similar to that of Weebl and Bob, and vaguely resembling James Bond, and crammed the entire thing into his mouth. Then he choked, coughed, spluttered and spat out most of it, in a soggy mess. Loz carefully leaned away from the fine spray of half-chewed sandwich. Then he reached down to his sandwich bag. 

#27, try to eat sandwich really quickly

* * *

Rob sprang into action, flapping insanely at Loz. A slow and terribly smile crept across Kadaj's face as he observed, "You've made a friend." Shaking slightly, Loz met Rob's eyes. Speaking out of the corner of his mouth, he said to Kadaj, "We need to do something quickly. And I think you know what that something is." 

Kadaj nodded. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I am if you're thinking that guy over there is wearing a really ugly sweater."

"That's… not what I was thinking." Not wanting to give the seagulls a warning, Loz drew his plan on a notepad. Kadaj put his head on one side as he looked at it.

"You want to summon Batman with pie to explode on them?" Loz shook his head, crossed out the drawing and wrote his plan beneath it. "_Oh!_ That's what you want to do… that's a great idea! But do we have any?"

"Oh, we do! I packed some this morning for just such an occasion!" Said Loz. It was a difficult manoeuvre to pull the items from his bag with Rob trying to kill him, so Kadaj had to hold the seagulls off with his sword whilst Loz rummaged.

It worked. Yazoo ate a grape. And Loz produced a cushioned box. He and Kadaj both reached in, taking out some of the small, round objects in their hands.

"On three…" Whispered Kadaj. Loz nodded. "One… two… the next one… the one after that… _three!_"

In unison, they threw the eggs. In unison, the seagulls leapt into flight. The eggs exploded as they hit empty ground, splattering Loz and Kadaj's boots with sticky, eggy goodness.

They had missed. In unison, they whimpered.

"'The next one, the one after that'?" Loz questioned.

"I have better thins to do with my life than pay attention in school!" Kadaj snapped.

#28, egg the seagull

* * *

"Hey, Yazoo!" Kadaj piped up suddenly. "Wanna swap sandwiches?" 

"I finished mine whilst you two were being idiots." _The Girlish One gives an accurate summary of the Short One's behaviour._ Said Bob the Seagull. Rob the Seagull agreed.

"But then what am I supposed to do?"

"Kill it." Yazoo suggested.

"I've tried that, it won't die! It's immortal! Immortal like dust or termites or the Jerry Springer show!"

"_All hail Jerry Springer…_" Echoed some distant voices.

Ignoring this, Kadaj went on. "Nothing I can do will deter it! I've tried 28 things already! You have no idea how degrading this is!"

"It's your sandwich it's after, right?" Said Yazoo calmly.

"I'm _not_ giving that bird my sandwich!" Growled Kadaj, clutching the muddy, sodden remains of his sandwich to his chest. Loz flinched at the thought of laundry to come.

"No. Swap with someone. That way the birds leave you, they don't get a sandwich, and you _do_ get a sandwich." Yazoo sat back, smiling slightly. He ate another grape.

"Wow… I'll try it…" He cast his gaze around, searching for a likely target. Sadly, almost half an hour of waving his mess of a sandwich at people turned no results. "A failure…" He groaned mournfully.

"My plan would have worked perfectly if you had taken better care of your sandwich."

"Oh, rub it in."

"I plan to." Yazoo ate another grape. "This is very nice food. Positively delicious. Such a shame you can't partake. But then, if you'd taken better care of your sandwiches… Truly this is proof that I am wiser by far than you could ever hope to become, my belovedly short sibling."

Loz managed to hold Kadaj back before he could kill his brother.

#29, swap sandwiches with someone else

* * *

Kadaj's angry screams actually managed to drive the seagulls back for a short time, but not long enough for anyone to be able to eat, with Kadaj trying to choke Yazoo, Yazoo leaning just out of his short brother's reach, and Loz trying to save the middle brother's life. 

Loz suddenly realized something. "Kadaj – HEY! Kadaj! Look! Look at them!" Kadaj spun around, and saw the seagulls some way away, watching them warily.

"They… we could eat now!" Kadaj exclaimed.

"Hurry!" Loz said, his voice muffled by the sandwich in his mouth. Kadaj attempted to eat the pathetic remains of his, but was stopped by a sharp pain in his leg. He stared down.

Bob had pecked him.

"OUCH!" He yelled. "That was my kneecap, man! I need that!" He clutched the wound, realizing too late that the seagulls were back. And judging by their lack of reaction to his shout of pain, they had become accustomed to the noise.

It was no use.

#30, attempt to repel with noisiness

* * *

A/N I fear I may have lost a large fraction of my mojo. I grieve for it. This one doesn't seem as funny as the others do. PLEASE give me more suggestions, and thank you majorly to everyone who lent me ideas for this chapter. Also, I am so, so sorry for leaving it this long between updates. I love you all! 


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